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28th Jul, 2009

(no subject)

I have recently been watching "The Big Bang Theory". It is awesome. But thats not what I'm here to talk about this afternoon.

The show itself is a "Chuck Lorre" production. they do such sterling work as dharma and greg and two and a half men. I know, thrilling itsnt it? But after each show they have a vanity card. Normally this is just thier logo and a soundbite. For reference the "ssshhhh" in a movie theatre at the end of the simpsons or that damn tree in every Bruckheimer film ever.

Chuck Lorre productions have taken a different route. They use this space, filling the screen with text, to present us with a small portion of prose, advice, or simply an observation. It reads like a bizzare journal. It is at times self-referential or deeply personal and at other talks about how the company works or the logical reasoning for why HBO went down the toilet.

I shall now leave you with two short examples.

"I believe that in order to walk through grief, fear, loneliness, despair, confusion and anger without recourse to drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-sexing, or the endless mind-numbing distractions provided by Western culture, one must become a spiritual warrior. I further believe that the pay-off for enduring suffering, for soberly embracing the inevitable bouts of emotional pain that life brings, is wisdom and serenity in the face of calamity. But make no mistake here, the path of the warrior is treacherous and cannot be walked alone. To survive, he must have brothers and sisters-in-arms to carry him when he buckles. When we lived and died in small tribes, this principle of mutually supporting one another through the trials of life was deeply woven into the fabric of the group mind. With the advent of towns and cities we were forced to live with the daily dilemma of being desperately alone and yet desperately needing one another. Which is why we are, by design, always seeking new tribes. With that in mind, I humbly offer a simple guideline to evaluate the efficacy of any tribe you might encounter on your path to becoming a spiritual warrior: if they ask for your money or access to your crotch, run away. If they ask for your money, smile unceasingly, never blink, and guarantee to make you a demi-god, running away will not suffice. Change your mailing address and briefly reconsider drugs, alcohol, food, sex and TV. "

"On a recent trip to Las Vegas I watched a grim, beer-bellied man row a gondola filled with tourists through the "canals of Venice." This was his job. At some point he had to have filled out an application and undergone an interview process to determine if he had the necessary skills to be a pretend gondolier eight hours a day, five days a week. As he glided past me I found myself imagining him walking into his house at the end of a long day, tossing his keys into the cheap ceramic bowl by the front door and sadly calling out to his wife, "I'm home." To which she would cheerfully respond, "How was work today, sweetie?" But instead of saying "fine," which was how he answered that question every other day, he paused and considered the days' events, and all the events that had led him to this point in his life. Then he crossed to the hall closet, took down a shoe box from the hat shelf, removed a small caliber pistol that he'd bought for home protection, and immediately blew his brains out all over the badly framed photograph of him rowing Barry Manilow. Waking from my brief reverie, I found myself suddenly filled with compassion and respect for this stranger of the inland sea. Compassion for his quiet desperation. And respect that he chose not to take his cheerful wife with him.

I don't know about you, but Vegas always does this to me. "

I love this company, not least for thier work on big bang theory, but also for these cards at the end of it.

[You can read all 254 vanity cards here http://www.chucklorre.com/index.php ]

17th Apr, 2009

Update part the 1st.

Still jobless. This is not as shitty as it sounds but still reltively dire. ON the plus-side i'm still getting freebies from the store occasionally and the manager is trying to find a reason to fire the wanker that works there so i can have his job.

On the plus-side i get £95 every two weeks from JSA.

Other things that have changed.

1) i now weigh something in the region of 13 stone. This is both odd and hilarious.
2) i can walk for ages. i crash like fuck at the end, but i can do it.

RPG stuff. atm i am in a single irregular game. this game has me going to fleet. from where i am fleet may as well be in cunting china. from brightion to clapham junction then out to fleet i shit you not. The main reason i'm doing this rather than just bopping to Norwich for my weekly game is that the fare to fleet is $14. the one to norwich is £30-40 a shot.

I'm currently pure healbotting on a cleric. its prettty awesome.

Also for those of you who havnt already heard of it. Read "Don't rest your head". this is a game thats been floating around in my subconious since i first heard about it a few years ago and i finally managed to secure print copies of it. Rules heavy horr nightmare wushu with actual progresssion wouldnt be far from the mark. i am besotten with it.

Now i just need to keep storing cash so trips to norwich arnt akin to buying a a zepplin made of diamond and i might even get a game of it.

28th Feb, 2009

(no subject)

This image best sums up my entire existance.

Thank-you for your patience.

21st Nov, 2008


So its been a while since posting and what-not, but i thought id quickly post an update.

I have officially moved down to crawley atm. It is pretty awesome here. Id did this primarily as i am at present living with Vicki and have a job. A job where i deal with computer games all day, then i come home and play them. Seriously. I was playing left 4 dead yesterday as the shop got it in and thus i could just take it home. Plus i have like 9 new t-shirts from that place. My job mainly involves admin and heavy. The admin is really fun as it is sitting there talking and joking, doing forms and what-not. The heavy is mainly lifting. this is less fun as it destroys my spine. I am not only losing weight atm, but am gaining shittons of muscle mass. its creepy. Considering my hours are 11-5 and i get paid 6.25 an hour (double over christmas), i get free clothing and occsionally games i think i have hit the jackpot.

I also have a new computer! My parents delightfully leant me the cash, but considering how much i earn atm paying them back wont be a problem. It has a graphics card the size of my fist. Also, to those that care i am totally level 75.

Left 4 Dead. I was about to review this and then i realised i dont need to. you are all already playing it. or on your way to buy it so you can play it. or on your way to buy a 360 or pc that can handle it and then play it. Seriously. its just Zombie. thats pretty fucking high praise. There are no set pieces, they just let them happen naturally. Last night Vicki and i ran co-op on the second campaign Death Toll. She is just remebering how FPS games work and getting used to the controller again after so long with a keyboard, so we just run through on normal. At the end, waiting for rescue we a holed up in a rickety old house. The horde arrives and ganks the shit out of Bill. Then a tank decides to roll up, slam up the side of the house and batter me off into the groups of the horde. Vicki valiantly unloads her shotgun into them alowing me to to escape. I then physically interpose myself between tank and said girlfriend killing my character outright while she flees to the newly arrived boat, limping and bleeding out. She gets the end of the jetty, bleeds out and gets dragged down by the horde. So we failed. And i fucking loved it. it was awesome.

Wall of left 4 dead text crits you for 4556. You die.

16th Oct, 2008

(no subject)

Also want this.


This is an mmo. This mmo was made by one man. The world the mmo takes place was not made by that man. That world is made by whoever is playing. oh my god yes.

(no subject)

erm, do want.

21st Aug, 2008


So i just watched a film that i was completely on the fence about. Tropic Thunder. i weighed it all up carefully. Pros: Black robert downey Cons:Ben stiller film directed by, and starring ben stiller.

It was made of fuckwin.

It is a good comedy, good war movie and a good action movie all in one.

Tom cruise is especially good in it. Though it took me till the end of the film to work out which character he was.

10th Aug, 2008

(no subject)

It seems that it is not a good 24 hours to be owned by me. So far i have dropped my phone onto the corner of my speaker, fucking the screen. Like literally. Saved everything off it though as i am lame and can still do all the button presses needed to set up connectivity without the need for visuals.

The screen is oddly pretty though. like dropping a coin onto a frozen oil-slick.

Also the afformentioned speaker is pretty much cunted as well. I have no idea how. Working fine even after being gently bumped by my phone, an hour later i touch the off button and shit all happens. I felt like bill cosby in ghost dad, only with a better plot. Now it simply makes odd popping stuttering sounds all to a low background humm. Much like bill Cosby again really. So yes, now a single person can hear what noises my computer emits as i am back to the stoneage of shitty headphones.

I await waht else i wil break with baited breath. Im hoping for a minor bus crash into an orphanage. no deaths but several million pounds worth of damage. well maybe one death. spice up the EDP a little bit eh?

5th Jul, 2008

Skins. A review.

So, i just finished watching season 1 of Skins. I feel i can do a simple review through the medium of capslock and two words. FUCKING WOW.

That show is amazing. It looks, at first glance, much like a sort of english dawsons creek. Well, it sort of it. But it is awesomer. No, it is the awesomest. Essentially each episode is in chronological order, but focussed almost entirely around one character at a time. this makes from some really nice scenes. take this for example. In a previous episode character split up with character b who character c loves. in the following episode it focusses purely on character c giving us his perspective of everything thats going on. sometimes however it focusses on charcter Z and confuses everything in a wonderful way.

It is also pretty dark for what is essentially teen drama. There is almost constant drug use and the effects thereof (both sides, the awesomeness and hospitalisation). Everything is seen through a microscope and over analysed, which just fits perfectly with what they are trying to show in the series. Something that you or i may deem a minor problem becomes this great life changing event. This only goes on to make the life changing events utterly catastrophic.

Also i wont reveal what happens but the last 5 mins of season one is a fucking musical. it is fashioned from win and cat stevens. Seriously. I was whatching it and was trying to work out if it was concidence or if they had engineered an entire series to match up perfectly with the song. the entire thing is an art peice. it could be the fucking music video and people would pay to go see it.

[Edit] I have just started watching season 2. Maxxi's dad is bill bailey. He is a apparently an expert at dancing with a dog. Watch this show right fucking now.

T - 9 days and counting.

2nd Jul, 2008

Doing a public service

In the interests of science i picked up Alone in the Dark for the 360 today. I've only had a few hours to play it so far, but here is an initial review for those people on the fence about wether or not to buy it. If i ever compare it to another game assume that game is Assassin's Creed, the benchmark of a good game.

Grapics (I always start with this as its what your going to have to look at all the time)

They are, quite simply alarmingly pretty, except in a few notable situations. If there is alot happening on screen then things tend to get simplified. During explosions sometimes planks of wood and stuff are essentially just brown rectangles. Not a huge problem but stil...

The animation is sometimes a little odd, but overal everything is really nice. They tried to get an awful lot of different interactions going so when some things occur it looks a bit off.


Moveing around, interacting with your environment and generally being in the game is really nice. Get in a fight and get walloped in the face and you will blood in your eyes. pressing the blink button (i shit you not) will clear this up pretty cquickly. It's just awesome the way they have made a blink button fun.  The inventory is genious but a little hard to use during combat. they have a quick setup system where combinations of items are hotkeyed, a necessity.

They have a driving section. This is both amazing and the worst part of the game so far. It is beutiful gripping and wonderful. It does however lose this on the 9th playthrough. there is an achievement for driving 10 miles. I got this during the first driving section as i had to do it so many times.clip a tiny bit of scenery? Redo the entire race. Random peice of architecture hit you? Restart the race.

Combat is nice and immersive. Vaugely reminicent of Farenheit in the way you do it through gestures. Humanz (yes, everything has a Z on the end apprently. Ratz, Humanz, everything. so very street) only die through fire. So you batter the crap out of someone with a pickaxe then have hunt around for a bit of wood to set on fire to burn them. quite lame.


Pretty solid alone in the dark stuff. Forgotten horrors, mysterious NPCs etc. Oh yeah and you play a guy with amnesia.

Set peices.

This is what this mother-fucker is all about. This is why this game is a really really good buy. Even the intro, essentially an on rails section is wonderful. You wake up bleary eyed and so confused you dont know whats going on and your vision blurs. Blinking repeatedly pulls it back into focus. Seriously. blinking is tops.


I am not that far into the game but already it is looking like a solid action/point and click game. Breaking into cars is great fun. Either you hunt around to find the keys some idiiot has left in his car or you hotwire it by pulling out the wires and using the joypad sticks to manipulate them.

At once beautiful and infuriating. Like i like my games.

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